I don't feel hungry after taking meal

A patient: Doctor, I don't feel hungry after taking meal.
Doctor: Really, your condition is very serious. Wait a bit. 
(After sometime, the doctor holds out some medicines).
Doctor: Take these pills. You take one pill after your sleep and another
one before you get-up.

replied the patient faintly

The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, "I cannot
hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would 
like to see?".
"Yes," replied the patient faintly, "Another doctor".

can you diagnose my Illness

Mohan : (to the doctor) : Doctor, can you diagnose my Illness?
Doctor : Your eyesight seems to be poor.
Mohan : How did you come to that conclusion? 
Doctor: You seemed to have missed noticing the sign, hung outside. This is a
veterinary hospital.

serious operation

Patient: How much do you charge for extracting a tooth?
Doctor: Fifty rupees. 
Patient: Fifty ruppes, for only a few second's work?
Doctor: Well, I will do it very slowly.
Patient: How much is for the operation?
Doctor: Rupees on thousand.
Patient: But it was a serious one.
Doctor: Nonsense. You can't buy a serious operation for Rupees one Thousand
now-a days.

check whether my throat leaks

Patient: May I have a glass of water, doctor.
Doctor: Are you thirsty?
Patient: No... I just wanted to check whether my throat leaks.

I'm not in a hurry

Doctor: Liquor is a slow poison for you.
Patient: It's all-right. I'm not in a hurry. 

you look exhausted

Doctor: Mr. Kishan, you look exhausted. 
Kishan: I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have
to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it.

what is it I can do for you

Doctor: Yes, what is it I can do for you?
Patient : Doctor, yesterday, when I was doing my yoga, one of my friends
told me that if I did this particular exercise, all my body's blood would go 
into my head. But, when I stand, why doesn't anyone say that all the blood
would go into the legs?
Doctor: The fact's your legs are not that hollow as your head is.

I am setting up my own practice

Doctors son: Well, dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me
some guidelines of success. 
Doctor father: Always, write your prescriptions
illegibly and your bills legibly.

stop making those noises

Dentist (to the patient): For God's sake, stop making those noises and 
waving your arms. I haven't even touched your tooth yet.
Patient : Yes, I know. But u're standing on my foot.

Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place

Doctor (to the patient): Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you
take it?
Patient: Yes, sir. But I did not drink it.
Doctor: Why?
Patient : (Pointing to the bottle) : Because it is written on the label:
Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.

DRINKERS movies

DRINKERS movies banate toh-
 1)Soda Akbar 
2)Rab Ne Pila di Thodi 
3)Rum de basanti 
4)Hum tight ho chuke sanam 
5)Beer Zaara 
6)Bewde Zameen par.

khud ko Goli maarle

Santa Khudkushi par speech de raha tha
 Khudkushi Paap hai Zulm hai Gunah hai Buzdili hai
 Pagalpan hai khudkushi krne se behtar hai
 insan khud ko Goli maarle!

pasport size photo

Santa k ek sentence ne photographer ko pagal kr diya... . . . . . . . . . 
Yaar mera pasport size photo nikal 
Lekin meri chapal bhi aani chahiye...:-)

Santa daku se

Santa daku se- Oye meri bhen ka dupatta wapis kar. 
daku bndook nikal k.. Kya baat hai? 
santa- Kuch nhi bhai ji piko krwani thi...

bharat ne hindustan par hamla kar diya

1st woman-kuchh suna ya nahi bharat ne hindustan par hamla kar diya h
 2nd woman- hame dar h ki kahin ek missile mere pe na gir jaye 
3rd woman-tum sab fikra kyu karti ho hum to india me rahte hai na...

Harbhajan to Dhoni

Harbhajan to Dhoni: Hum to Jaanbujh ke match haare. 
Pata hai jeetnewali team ko jo Volkswagen mil rahi hai, woh petrol ki hai.

picha tune 100cc ki scooty ka hi karna hai

Beta- Papa mujhe 180cc pulsar bike hi leni hai... . . . . . . 
Baap- beta tu 180cc pulsar le ya 350cc ki bulet,
 picha tune 100cc ki scooty ka hi karna hai.... hhahaa

Dekh lunga

SANTA: Rasgulle hai?
 DUKANDAAR: Nahi,! 
SANTA: Dekh lunga. 
DUKANDAAR (Gusse me(: Kya dekh loge? 
SANTA: Dusri dukaan me jakar dekh loonga!

Tu toh chahta hai k ladkiyan kapde hi na pehne

Apni Girlfrnd ke samne dusri ladkiyo ko kaise dekhe? 
Boy: Tum ne us ladki ko dekha....Wo Kapde usko bilkul suit nehi karte..... 
Girl: Saale.... Tu toh chahta hai k ladkiyan kapde hi na pehne !! 
Moral: Ladki Ne Pehle Hi Sprite Pee li thi

Mundi bhej mundi

Kidnaper: Teri biwi mere kabze me hai saboot 
ke taur par uski do ungliya bhijwa raha hoon 
santa:sabut pakka nahi hai . . . . Mundi bhej mundi.

Meri to abhi jinda hai

Pappu salo k baad santa se mila..
 Pata chala dono ki shadi ho gai hai..
 Santa:- Kaisi hai teri biwi. Pappu: Swarg ki apsara hai., Aur teri..???? ? 
Santa:- Meri to abhi jinda hai.!!.;) :P

Chor Aaya

Chor Aaya,Tijori pr Likha tha"Todne ki Zrurt Nhi,
Button Dabaao,Khul Jyega
"Button Dabate hi Police Aa gyi. 
Chor-"MAA KASAM___"Insaniyat se vishwas hi uth gya___

Wife ne santa ko SMS kiya

Wife ne santa ko SMS kiya Kitni der me Aa rhe ho? 
santa ne Jawab me SMS kiya 20-25 mint me Aa rha hu,
 Agr Der ho jaye to ye SMS fir se Padh lena

I LOVE U

A little Boy says to a Girl: :I LOVE U:
 . . . But she says k wo kisi or ko chati hai. . .
 the little boy looks down in sad mood..
 & After few seconds looks up.. & eyes 
Filled with tears and emotes all his feeling 
by saying just a single & most beautiful word ever: . . . . . KAmIniii

Ladka - main tumhare liye aag pe chal sakta hun.

Ladka - main tumhare liye aag pe chal sakta hun.. 
Angaaro se naha sakta hun.. Ladki - sooo sweet :)
 kya tum mujhe abhi milne aa sakte ho..?? ? . .
 Ladka - Pagal ho kya!! Dhoop dekhi hai.. Kitni tez hai!..

Do ladies ko 20 saal ki saza mili

Do ladies ko 20 saal ki saza mili 20 saal 
baad jail me guzarne k baad Jb Dono Riha 
Hui To DoNo nE Muskurate huE kaha . 
Chalo ab baaqi baten ghar pahunch kr kartey hain....

BLONDE'S APPENDICITIS

A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."

The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."

beautiful

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You're beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You're cute!” Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’? His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”

Cylinder ki lambi line

Cylinder ki lambi line dekh kar

pappu gusse me bola: " abhi saale

PM ke pichwade pe laat mar ke

aata hu."

. .

.

.

Kuch der baad wo wapas line me

lag gaya.

. .

.

.

.

Dosto ne poocha: " maar aaya

laat ?? " .

.

.

Pappu: waha isse bhi lambi line

lagi hai